I’ve been a staunch fan of Clare Mackintosh’s work ever since reading the fantastic “I let you go” back in 2016. Such a fan that I will automatically read anything she writes. That being said, I would probably not have picked this one up if I had done any research into the title first. Don’t get me wrong, this was a beautifully written and deserving book. It is just that – for me – the subject matter was a little too raw, it hit too close to home. I struggled with reading it as I had to keep putting it down to regain my composure. I have had many personal experiences with sick children in intensive care. First my daughter, then most recently my little grandson. This made the descriptions in this novel have an almost visceral impact on me. The sounds of the bleeping monitors, the antiseptic smells, were all just too recent for me as I spent a good portion of last month experiencing them first hand.
The novel brought the raw emotions of the parents of sick children to the forefront. Also, very cleverly, it explored what might happen after the end. The parents in this novel are devoted to each other and to their young son, Dylan, who is diagnosed with medulloblastoma. When, after surgery, he is deemed by the hospital to have such a poor quality of life that it would be better to let him go, the mother agrees. The little boy’s father does not. This differing of opinions puts a mortal rift in their relationship and puts them in the public eye when their case goes to court.
“Turns out you can hate what someone’s doing, yet still love them so much it hurts.”
The book explores what happens to the family in the future if the hospital and the mother win the court case. Also, in alternate chapters, it explores what happens to the family if the father wins the court case.
I was riveted to the book for the first half – while Dylan was still alive. After the court case decision – after the end – the novel was not as compelling for me. That being said, it was very cleverly written and was very thought-provoking. “What If” is a question that we’ve all asked ourselves at one time or another. In this case, the ‘what if’ had much more serious ramifications that most personal dilemmas. This was an impossible decision to have to make. Hard to make, yet even harder to live with after making it. Second-guessing is not easy when the life of someone you love hangs in the balance.
The characters were fully fleshed out. In addition to the parents, Pip and Max Adams, I particularly liked the character of the doctor, Leila Khalili. The author made her seem like the kind of doctor I’d want for my children. She was hard-working, devoted, and empathetic. She was also fallible – as all physicians are… We learn a little of her work ethics, her home life with her visiting Iranian mother, also her loneliness.
The description and writing were top notch. The subject matter was such that some might have difficulty with it. Sadly Claire Mackintosh herself lost a child. I personally commend her courage to write this novel, turning her own experience into an eye opening read which must have brought her pain and hopefully was cathartic at the same time.
Exploring themes of hope, despair, grief, and regret, this novel will tug your heart-strings and make you think. It will cause you to realize just how fragile life is, and to hopefully cherish those you love whenever you get the opportunity. It shows how you must choose to put painful experiences behind you. How, though you’ll never forget the person you’ve lost, there are other people and experiences ahead for you and you must grab them with both hands. You must choose to live again. A remarkable and poignant novel.
I received a complimentary digital copy of this novel from G.P. Putnam’s Sons via Edelweiss. 
Clare Mackintosh is an author, feature writer and columnist. She has written for The Guardian, Sainsbury’s Magazine, The Green Parent, and many other national publications, and is a columnist for Cotswold Life and Writing Magazine.
Clare spent twelve years in the police force, working on CID, in custody and as a public order commander, and has drawn on her experiences for her psychological thrillers. She left the police in 2011 to work as a freelance journalist and social media consultant, and now writes full time. Clare’s debut novel, I Let You Go, was a Sunday Times top ten bestseller for 12 weeks, and was the fastest selling title by a new crime writer in 2015. It was selected for both the Richard and Judy Book Club and ITV’s Loose Women’s ‘Loose Books’, and has been translated into more than 30 languages. It has sold more than a million copies worldwide. In July 2016 Clare received the Theakstons Old Peculier Crime Novel of the Year award, and won the Cognac Prix du Polar for International Novel of the Year that autumn. She lives in North Wales with her husband and their three children.
Follow Clare Mackintosh on Twitter.
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Wonderful review Lynne. This must have been a tough book for the author to write and well as difficult for readers who have lost a child. I am glad your grandson is doing well and it just made you think about what ifs.
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So true Carla. My grandson had a minor setback and was in hospital again for 3 days last week. He is now doing fine.
I was released this morning after a week in hospital following my bowel resection. I’m going to be slow catching up for a while. I don’t feel like doing anything… reading included. Gasp!
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Just rest and heal, It is going to take some time after surgery to be up and at them. Hopefully you have some good movies or television shows you can watch. Take care of yourself. I am glad to hear his setback was not too major, although whenever our little ones have a health issue it is devastating. You are all in my prayers.
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Thanks so much Carla. That means a lot. ♥
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I got emotional just from reading this post. I can’t imagine reading the book! Seems to be pretty good! Not that getting emotional over a sad situation is bad, it makes me think about how blessed I am and how I should enjoy life! Great post!
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Thanks so much. ♥
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Oh goodness, you’re so brave to tackle this one so soon after your recent experiences with your grandson! Good on you, I’m not sure I would’ve been able to bring myself to do it. I love the premise of this book, but I’ve heard a couple of other readers say that the execution of alternating timelines “after the end” left a little to be desired. Still, I think it sounds like a gripping, wrenching read. Thank you for sharing, and hope your grandson is still doing well! ❤️
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Thanks Sheree. My little grandson is now healthy and thriving.
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Great review! I am sorry this hit close to home. I could only imagine through the book, so I can’t begin to understand the effect of the narrative on you, who have been there.
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Thanks so much for your understanding comment Meggy.
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Terrific review! I just noticed that somehow I must have hit the unfollow button by accident. I’ve noticed that happening with a few different people. I’ve hit it again so I hope it stays this time as I always enjoy your reviews.
I can only imagine how your personal experiences would have made this an even more emotional read. I’m sorry to hear about your grandson. *hugs*
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Dee I’ve found that happening to me too. Quite often in fact. Instead of re-following try refreshing the page. That seems to work for me.
Thanks for your kind words about my review.
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You are very welcome and thank you! I will definitely try refreshing next time.
Hope your week is off to a good start 🙂
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Let me know if it works for you.
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It just did it again. It wasn’t green but when I refreshed it was green again. Thanks 🙂
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My gosh. Absolutely amazing review. This one sounds powerful. Not sure I could get through it without getting emotional, but it seems worth it.
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Thanks so much Christopher.
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Thanks for the TW ….I can’t read this one!
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I can only imagine how tough a decision it would be for parents. Not something I would wish on anyone for sure. I like Ms. Macintosh, too. Her books are typically engrossing.
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It’s nice to hear from a fellow fan of Clare Mackintosh’s novels.
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Wonderful review! I definitely can’t wait to get a copy of this one.
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Thanks so much 😍
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Excellent review! I am reading this right now and like you I have to put it down to compose every so often. Very emotional reading experience.
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Thanks so much. Emotional, memorable, and definitely worth the read.
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Wonderful review! Sounds like a very emotional read!
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It certainly was Nicki. Thanks. ♥️
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I Let You Go …and… I See You were two of Clare’s books I have read and enjoyed. I will now add After the end…which from your review I see is a different kind of novel to the usually crime/thriller genre. I’ll give it a go.
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Thanks James. I hope you like it. 😉
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Agreed very poignant. Fantastic review
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Thanks Shalini. It just goes to show that Mackintosh can write more than thrillers.
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